And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
