I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
