tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
