Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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