hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Randomize