I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
