grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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