went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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