He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
