you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
