$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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