Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
