but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
