Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
