she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
