I think I won the penis lottery.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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