In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
