i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
