I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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