wakey wakey hands off snakey
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
