dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Randomize
