Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
