I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
