It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
