zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
