i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
