just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
love makes seman taste better
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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