i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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