i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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