I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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