I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
