i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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