it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
