Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
