I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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