First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
