can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Enjoy the penises
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
