I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ladies don't puke and tell
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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