I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
