how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize