he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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