First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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