this boner is exhausting
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
my poor anus
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
