Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
