i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
