New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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