I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
