A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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