I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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