went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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