Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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