turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
