the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
