My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
