The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
