you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
