Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
