I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
