Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
