Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize