Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
