he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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