Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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