would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
