What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
