he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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