nutella sex= disaster
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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