So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
