a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
