remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
one might say we're banned from that church
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
