woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
