My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
