I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
be right there i have to get my cape
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
