the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
