This is not my ceiling
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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